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How to Handle Verbal Abuse: A Doctor's Guide to Protecting Your Mental Health and Emotional Wellbeing Photo by RDNE Stock project: |
The Invisible Wounds of Words
As a doctor, I've treated physical injuries—broken bones, cuts, and bruises—but some of the deepest wounds I've seen aren't visible.
Verbal abuse leaves no scars on the skin, but it can fracture self-esteem, trigger anxiety, and linger in the mind long after the words are spoken.
Whether it's a harsh comment from a coworker, a cruel remark from a family member, or an outburst from a stranger, verbal abuse can feel like an emotional ambush.
The sting of words can leave you feeling humiliated, angry, or even questioning your self-worth.
But here's the truth: You don't have to absorb the toxicity. This guide will equip you with practical strategies to handle verbal abuse in the moment, recover emotionally, and build unshakable resilience.
Why Verbal Abuse Hurts So Much
Before diving into solutions, it's important to understand why words can be so damaging.
The Brain Processes Pain Similarly
Studies show that emotional pain (like rejection or humiliation) activates the same brain regions as physical pain (Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences).
Self-Esteem Takes a Hit
Repeated verbal abuse can lead to imposter syndrome, anxiety, and depression.
Long-Term Health Effects
Chronic stress from verbal attacks increases cortisol levels, weakening immunity and raising risks for heart disease (American Psychological Association).
Recognizing the impact is the first step toward protecting your mental health.
How to Respond to Verbal Abuse in the Moment
When someone hurls insults at you, your fight-or-flight response kicks in.
Instead of reacting impulsively, use these science-backed techniques to stay in control:
1. Pause and Breathe (The 5-Second Rule)
What to Do: When insulted, take five slow breaths before responding.
Why It Works: Deep breathing reduces cortisol and helps you think clearly instead of reacting emotionally.
2. Assess the Situation (Is This Worth Engaging?)
Ask Yourself:
Is this person trying to provoke me?
Are they stressed, drunk, or mentally unwell?
Will responding make things worse?
If Unsafe: Walk away. Disengaging is not weakness—it's wisdom.
3. Deflect with Calmness (The Gray Rock Method)
How It Works: Respond neutrally (e.g., "I hear you") to avoid fueling their aggression.
Best For: Toxic coworkers, narcissistic family members.
4. Use Humor to Disarm (If Appropriate)
Example: If someone says, "You're so incompetent!" you might reply, "Wow, tell me how you really feel!"
Caution: Only use humor if you feel safe and confident doing so.
How to Heal After Verbal Abuse
The real damage often happens after the confrontation—when self-doubt creeps in.
Here's how to recover:
1. Process Your Emotions (Don't Bottle Them Up)
Write It Out: Journaling helps release pent-up anger.
Talk to Someone: A trusted friend or therapist can provide validation and perspective.
2. Set Firm Boundaries (Protect Your Peace)
Example Scripts:
"I won't tolerate being spoken to like that."
"If you continue, I'll have to end this conversation."
Enforce Consequences: If the abuse continues, limit contact or cut ties if necessary.
3. Rebuild Self-Worth (Affirmations & Self-Care)
Daily Affirmations: Repeat: "I am not defined by anyone's words."
Self-Care Rituals: Exercise, meditation, and hobbies restore emotional balance.
4. Seek Professional Help (Therapy Works)
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) helps rewire negative thought patterns.
Support Groups (like NAMI) provide community healing.
Why Verbal Abuse Says More About Them Than You
People who lash out verbally are often:
- Projecting their own insecurities
- Repeating toxic behaviors they learned
- Struggling with unmanaged anger or mental health issues
Remember: Their words reflect their issues, not your worth.
When to Take Legal or Workplace Action
Some verbal abuse crosses into harassment or discrimination.
Consider escalating if:
- The abuse is frequent and severe
- It happens at work (report to HR)
- It includes threats or hate speech (legal action may be needed)
Final Thought: You Are Stronger Than Their Words
Verbal abuse hurts, but it doesn't have to break you.
By mastering these strategies, you take back control—not over the abuser, but over your own peace.
The next time cruel words fly your way, remember: You choose how they land.
From Dr Pasindu 🥰
Stay happy stay healthy!
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